A report published in September 2009 from The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University The Importance of Family Dinners V Report finds that: "Compared to teens who have frequent family dinners (five or more per week), those who have infrequent family dinners (fewer than three per week) are twice as likely to use tobacco or marijuana; more than one and a half times likelier to use alcohol; and twice as likely to expect to try drugs in the future. Compared to teens who have frequent family dinners, those who have infrequent family dinners are more than twice as likely to be able to get marijuana in an hour and one and a half times likelier to be able to get prescription drugs to get high within an hour" (p. 5).

Furthermore, there is a correlation between the frequency of family dinners, grades and alochol and drug use as “teens who report typically receiving grades of C’s or below in school are likelier to smoke, drink and use drugs compared to teens who typically receive all A’s or A’s and B’s in school.Compared to teens who have five to seven family dinners per week, those who have fewer than three family dinners per week are one and a half times likelier to report getting mostly C’s or lower grades in school” (p. 7).

Even more frightening, the study found that: “The relationship between the frequency of family dinners and substance use is especially strong among the youngest teens in the survey.Compared to 12- and 13-year olds who have five to seven family dinners per week, those who have fewer than three family dinners per week are six times likelier to have used marijuana, four times likelier to have used tobacco, and three times likelier to have used alcohol” (p.8).

This research highlights just how important it is to be there for your children. No, I am not trying to give mothers one more thing to feel guilty about. However, the research says what it says, and from my personal perspective, I tend to agree with the findings. There is just no substitute for being there, however inconvenient. The research says what is says, and it is what it is. I know we have work, and things to do, but this study once again underscores how important work/life balance is. The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world. We can’t rule if we can’t rock.

Logically, it makes sense that kids would have a hard time getting high or drunk knowing that in a few hours time they were going to face their entire family around the dinner table. Furthermore, it is harder to disappoint someone that loves you and backs that love up by being there.

Moreover, the report concluded that: “Teens who have infrequent family dinners are likelier to say there are distractions at the table. Compared to teens who have five to seven family dinners per week, those who have fewer than three family dinners per week are one and a half times likelier to say someone is usually either talking or texting on a cell phone at the table or using a Blackberry, laptop or Game Boy.Compared to teens who have five to seven family dinners per week, those who have fewer than three family dinners per week are almost five times likelier to say both kinds of distractions are present” (p.9). The report shows that it isn’t just your physical presence that is needed. Nope, all the electronics and gadgets need to go away and get turned off. How important is your family going to feel if you keep getting up to take calls, texts, answer your email, etc. Bottom line is, if work expects you to be on 24/7, they either need to pay you for 24/7, or they need to realize that there are boundaries. Believe me, you are not doing any favors by martyring yourself for the sake of work. It just makes it harder for you to get paid what you are worth in the future.

“Compared to teens who have five to seven family dinners per week without distractions at the table, those who have fewer than three family dinners per week and say there are distractions at the table are three times likelier to have used marijuana (12 percent vs. 40 percent) and tobacco (nine percent vs. 31 percent), and two and a half times likelier to have used alcohol (25 percent vs. 63 percent)” (p.9). So, even if you can’t have dinner together all the time, at least make sure that when you do, all the electronics are put away, and that your children have your attention.

Finally, the report finds that: “Teens who have frequent family dinners (five to seven family dinners per week) are likelier to say they have excellent relationships with their parents, and teens who have infrequent family dinners (fewer than three per week) are likelier to say they have fair or poor relationships with their parents” (p. 13).

Personal experience and logic makes me agree with the reports findings. Growing up, I was one of four children. We rarely ate out at restaurants, and my mother did not believe in food that was frozen, came out of a can, processed, or hydrolyzed. Grains were whole grains, because growing up we knew no other kind. We did not drink soda then, and I do not drink it now. I never had white bread until I was a teenager and staying at a friend’s house. Maybe it is because two of my siblings were diabetic that she made such an effort to ensure that meals were healthy, but she was organic and home-made before it was hip to be so. My mom had that growing up, and so I do not think that in her mind, there was any other way to be. Although my grandma worked, dinners were always a family affair.

My dad, on the other hand, grew up differently. He was much younger than his older siblings, who were adults by the time that my dad was old enough to remember anything. In 1954, family planning was more of an art than a science. His mother did not cook. She and my grandfather had a growing business, and they put all their time and energy into it. My dad ate a lot of cereal and pasta with ketchup before he learned to cook for himself. Sure, all those extra hours they put in made for a successful business, but to a child, the bottom line is that his parents did not make it home for dinner. I think that coming from the family dynamic that he had growing up, he cherished the fact that we had dinner as a family.

We all came together for family dinners. Although, they were not the boring, proper, affairs wherein you heard sentences like “please pass the______” and “may I be excused?” There were no excuses. My parents had priorities, and dinner was one of them. Unless you were dead, or too ill to get out of bed, you came to the table. However, they were not strict in the sense that obedience came at the expense of independent thought. Dinner was not polite, and dinner was rarely about the food itself. If you did not like what was served, you either ate it anyway, or surreptitiously passed it on to one of the dogs who were waiting under the table just hoping their little hearts out for the chance to be of service. No, the dinner table was a forum for rousing, heated debate. Politics, world events, history, religion, books, sports, science, technology, sex, drugs, rock-n-roll...nothing was off limits. Perhaps that is why I never really hid things from my parents. There was not anything I really felt like I had to hide. Plus, around the dinner table, there is nowhere to hide. When I had sex, I told my parents that I was going to before I actually did. I figured if I was mature enough to have sex, I could at least be mature enough to tell my parents that I was going to and assure them that I would be safe and protected. I was 18, and I suppose I did not have to tell them anything, but why hide something when you are not doing anything wrong?

During the week, all dinners were at home, around the dinner table. Saturday night, mom and dad might go out for date night, and we would go to Grandma and Grandpa’s for dinner. My grandma is a fantastic cook, and could have probably made anything taste fantastic. She was a Southern Cook, and that usually meant gravy. Wonderful, tasty gravy. She was the perfect foil to my mom’s über-healthy cooking. Five days shalt thou eat healthy, but on the sixth or seventh day, though shalt have gravy and mashed potatoes made with butter and cream. Then we would spend the night, spend the next day running in the yard, climbing trees, and wearing lizards as earrings (they will clip on your ear), while my parents and grandparents prepared the heaven-on-Earth that we called Sunday Dinner. When we got old enough to help out in the kitchen, we joined in on the preparation of the feast.

The family that eats carbs together stays together. All those carbs stimulate the release of serotonin, a neurotransmitter that among other things, regulates mood. Is that why I have never felt the urge to try Ecstasy? I get my serotonin windfall from Parker-House rolls. Who needs ecstasy? Family dinners were not hurried or rushed. We might sit at the table for three hours for Sunday Dinner. It was not just about the food, it was about the conversation, and fellowship.

I also think that all the rushed eating-on-the-run and the decline of the family dinner has added to the growing obesity epidemic. I think when you don’t eat dinner as a family, it is also easier to get fat. Instead of ordering food out, or microwaving it, when you make it, it forces you to be mindful of what it is you are putting into what you are eating. If you have to make cookies from scratch instead of just opening a package, it is harder to eat cookies on impulse. Having to peel all the potatoes before you mash them, the same principle applies. Parents who eat dinner with their kids are going to notice if they are having third or fourth helpings of mac-and-cheese, while not eating any vegetables. Plus, having to share whatever is made, means that unless you are cooking enough for a small army, you aren’t going to gorge, because there just is not enough for everyone t eat until they are full. Plus, if you have conversations while you are eating, you aren’t just shoveling in food, and you feel fuller while eating less.

Family dinner makes one view the idea of a meal as a process, rather than a product. You cook it as a family, you eat it as a family, and then you clean it up as a family. Not your dish? Wash it anyway, it is not all about you! Want to play your game boy at the table? Nice try, but not in this family.

CASA’s Family Day is aimed at raising awareness of the importance of family dinners and parental engagement as a means of combatting substance abuse. Learn more at http://casafamilyday.org/familyday/ - It’ll give you something to talk about at dinner.